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Seriously, seriously...
Looking for Destan Owens pictures!!! IF ANYONE has any pllleasseeee let me know, yes, you will be credited!!!
He's one of the best Collins, and I <3 him! He's the same age as Jesse L. Martin, and though there's already a fan page for him... I think I will make another!! That's when I get the time and mine will be slammin' anyways if you can pleaseeee give me Destan Owens pictures I will love you forever.
It seems these days he's one of the only persons who care about me. He's going to be helping me find someone to talk to.. I'd love to talk to him.. Oh shit.. What if he had feelings for me? He's 12 years older then I, and he has two kids. He was in the Army for 10 years, so he has that experience, and I want to go into the Marine Corps hmm we shall see.
FYI: I had cut quite a lot out of that somethings I didn't want shown aren't on here because of some people. Also.. Please, I'm sure a lot of you know who this friend is.. I'd RATHER you not go around telling her what I said because it will get back to me BEFORE I've gotten the chance to talk to her about this. I am also clueless because I don't know if that means she likes me more then as a friend and fuck this.... Grrrr... Oh, the thing about the 'I'm not fully a dyke yet.." I was just taken back on his words and didn't know what to say. And I still don't know if later on in life I will end up gay for now I try and stay positive getting one thing out of the way about being bisexual.
- Location:Bedroom
- Mood:
curious - Music:tick, tick...BOOM! - Come To Your Senses.
Ok I know this has NOTHING to do with how I normally am and how I am go lucky most of the time.. But.. I figured since and everyone is so good at giving advice I need some help. I am open to all suggestions..
A few of you all know about the ex girlfriend issues and how she was stalking me and what not. Well, I am a RENT myspace rp'er and she and I were rp'ing together but she didn't know it was me, and I started to feel guilty because she didn't know it was me for some reason [We've been over for four months but in January she said she loved me and wanted to go back into a relationship] She still sais that she wasn't cheating on me but we all know love's not a three way street. Anyways.. Tonight she found out it was me and we are talking a little. I am putting the conversation in an LJ cut to save everyones eyes. You don't have to reply to me or not I would just love it if you could.
That's all really please help me.. If you can.
- Location:My confused world.
- Mood:
drained - Music:Helena - MCR
Ok so, I've started the rehersals for Take Away The Lady and I will have to say this is a rather DULL performance piece, but it has some funny parts.. I guess? Or I don't really no I am not catching onto it right now I guess because I am the techie and I am the ONLY techie who apparently they have been looking for techie for the past three WEEKS!! I have no clue they were looking for a techie for that long but I feel like the black sheep out of all white. I am new, they all know each other, I am quiet.. I told them I am one of the quietest techies they will ever know BUT the only reason why is because I love things I am interested in and I shouldn't be complaining really but I don't think I am.. I just don't understand many things with this performance and I am trying my hardest. Already I have had a run in with the director and I can tell she hates me. Anyways, today I was marking the script for sound and lighting because this place their tech booth is WAY too small for two people to be in there..
My summer looks like this:
School three classes.. Summer Session #1: English, Math, Study Summer Session #2: English, Math, Study, History
Acting classes
Dancing classes
Voice classes
Working out
Working on an actors resume and hopefully go for some auditions try out for tours if I get good enough.
Working more on my technical resume and try for all different tours that are out there.
Work so I can pay for the classes, a new cell phone and buy some cds that I want. Also so I can save up for New York, and I can save up for the other things in life I want or something along those lines to everything else.
Techie hopefully for a paying position at some theatre I need to send my resume out to some more places, if not and I don't do any of the above I hope to be working at PSU and New York is only 45 minutes away and I can go into the city every now and then and go see RENT and meet up with whoever is there. Also to save for NYU, Brooklyn College or some other school in New York.
I am going to be working on my techinical resume as much as possible because I would love to travel with any tour, but especially RENT who knows maybe that dream will come true.. I need to do this for myself, because I know I have succeeded in something. Before my dad passed away he was one who I always looked up to and he would say follow your dreams because it can become a reality if you really try. For the past 10 years I have been trying to follow my dreams, and now I know some way he is pushing me to do this. It will work out in the end but because he had so much faith in me when I was little, I had so much trust in him and looked up to him to help me out. I need to do this so I can feel as if I've achieved something he said to set your mind to it if you love it and succeed in it. My mum is the same way. I want to show her now in life that I have accomplished my dreams and goals and that my future is becoming a reality. I hope it will all work out in life. Because it's important to me. I want to be able to show both though my mum is still alive and my dad isn't that I did this without help, without failure with something else in my life I was able to succeed and become not famous, but famous it will happen. I know it and I can feel it.
And that's pretty much it right now.. Because so much to say.
Guess I'm Leaving.... I'm gone!
Other then that I have now learned that I can be patient. I am not really worried about RENT Tour, and it will happen, if not I will continue to submit my resume after I build it up even more then before so I come out ontop. I have discovered that tourmonkey who is the ASSistant sound techie is a jackass and totally ratted out one of the members' daughter the night before last because she was invited to go hang out with the cast and go for drinks with them later. Well her daughter said the security gaurds wouldn't let her back there and tourmonkey said he/she/it whatev didn't see this womans daughter. The cast did infact wait for her but they ended up going on their own. And they were going to go tonight but the woman told her daughter she couldn't because she lied to her about where she was. So the cast blew her daughter off so she would see how it felt. Quite funny if you ask me. She's mailing me an autographed playbill and a used ticket though I didn't get to go myself I still think it's very sweet of her to do.
She also has ebay accounts and she found a 5th year anniversary shirt IN A THRIFT STORE!! That she will be selling on ebay!
Other then all of what is going on with me I am still jumping at phone calls I almost broke the phone yesterday because it went off about 10 times. And I still jump when I check my professional email account. But I have come to the conclusion because this always happens all the time I am doing something I get wrapped up in things to pre-occupy myself and then the calls and emails I am waiting for come.
tourmonkey is going to be a fucking ass because he/she/it whatev asked me when I was going to see the musical and I said the truth is that I haven't seen it and I don't know when I am going to be able to do so but I do know that he/she/it whatev is going to tell Brett not to hire moi, though it's his call and his supervisors call so we shall see there. Many things think that I might have gotten a backstage tour out of that but who knows. All I know is tourmonkey needs to be off of the tour, and I need to be put on it..
LOL
My goal right now is to get involved into a Theatrical production to where I can add some more things to my resume.
tick, tick, BOOM! Is back on tour and I am going to be seeing that hopefully and I will try to succeed at my first boot! It will be audio though, I will still try to do so. If you have tips on how to do them please let me know:D
- Music:Overture - Can-Can Another Openin' - Another Show
My display name on myspace is Stubby Snowballer... Anways below is the comment Delcan left me before I could even go comment to him.. It actually made me happy:D
hi amanda - thanks for the friends request - you're added! just letting all new friends know there's a free download live album on the cd page of my other site www.declanbennett.co.uk
enjoy...
(and if you want even more, my new ep '10 nelson road' is now available from itunes under my own name...
and my album the painters ball under the name sumladfromcov is also available from iTunes as well as amazon.co.uk ...)
Anyways that's it for now.. No new news on my resume which I actually am not worried.. I know it's in good hands and a lady who is now friends with the whole tour told Brett about my application so I am pleased about that. I am also not worried about a lot of things because I have faith. It will work out when need be and if it isn't time right now then that won't stop me from continuing to try. I will eventually have the chance of a life time to pursue in one of my dream goals of persuing in. Though I jump at phone calls and when I go to my professional email account it's natural, other then that I am perfectly fine and once I get involved and wrapped up in something else this oppurtunity will come to me.. It's happened once before with other things I have wanted to do in my life.
I am so excited!!! first off..
For my birthday I got a PLAYBILL book, the RENT BIBLE, Jesus Christ Superstar, The Music Man, money, a Rainbow heart wind chime, lotto tickets and scratch offs which I didn't win anything but that is ok.. A 50 dollar gift cheque for jewelery and I celebrated it for a whole week...
A week ago this person from the RENT Tour came on VFR in the chatroom. Well he and I began talking and I asked if they were hiring anyone for techie.. He told me that they are always looking for someone to add on and he gave me his email address for me to send my resume to.... Well I hadn't done that and then he came on last night and I was like "Oh, right I need to send my resume in to you.." He agreed and so I worked on it last night and sent it in today.. I should be finding out some information soon ahhh I am excited!! I just hope this will happen, if not I will continue to try.
If it all works out then I will be one happy camper, I am still not talking to my uncle or my aunt and my mum said that they are going to make it up to me tomorrow, quite frankly I don't think anything can make up for someone missing your fucking 21st birthday.. Fucking shit it would be as if I missed his wedding.. Although I missed the reception because I pratically died.. I had a horrible alergic reaction to some of the food they had there and I almost died. I couldn't breath, I had to have 5 breathing treatments and 5 shots, and not to mention the fever I got, and how sick I had gotten but still I was there for the wedding!! UGHHHHH My mum says they want to make it so special to me and right now the ONLY thing that would make me forgive them is:
They give me front row Wicked tickets and backstage passes
They give me a digital camera
They pay for my conference to go to New York so all I have to do is pay for my hotel, transportation, food, and shopping plus for whatever musicals I want to go see.
I really am not a greedy child as most people seem to think I am but honestly.. I never ask for anything, and I don't have things handed to me on a silver platter.. Ugh... Sometimes!!!!I simply remember their birthdays!!! My uncle's birthday is September 15th... My aunt's birthday is September 7th.. The same day as my brother's fiances birthday so it's not that hard to remember. And all I ask is they remember my 21st.. Siigh...
In other news I have COMPLETELY FALLEN IN LOVE WITH GODSPELL. I rented the dvd sure it's not the same as seeing it live but I FUCKING LOVE IT.. It's fun, and the music is great and keeps you moving I am thinking about having my youth group do a childs version of it but we shall see about that one.
Last night on VFR some friends of mine got banned and I think that they should have been warned though I didn't see the threads in which they posted I wanted to but I was off doing other things yesterday so I wasn't able to see it as much as I wanted too.. Oh well, they will be back somehow some way they will be back.
My uncle and aunt are in town now and my aunt is wanting to have a child of her own because my uncle has his two kids and so he went to go get untied. His ex-ex wife he didn't want to have kids so he tied himself up and now this one he loves more then the other 3 and so who knows I hope to have a baby cousin so it would be fun if they did but yes, I am not talking to them.. We shall see how they redeem theirself tomorrow! That's for sure.. Tonight I am doing my birthday dinner with my mum, different aunt, brother, sister in law, cousin, and my self... yay..
This is all the news I have for now if I can think of something else I will post it later..
- Mood:
bouncy - Music:Godspell: Day by day
A poem I wrote within about 5 minutes on aim to a friend who has been there for me through my ex issues.
Life in the fast lane
Has never been the same
Since the day I met you
I have never felt
THis feeling before
For someone as sweet
Too sweet as you
My life came to shambles
But you were always there
To listen to
Every word
Spoken or unspoken
Your a friend of mine
Someone I look up to
Someone I trust
My life is taking anew
Something I love
Because deep down inside
You push me all the way
Whether you realize
You have always been there
For me me
You have your dreams
Your goals
And your life
You have pushed me
To be who I am
Though you may look up to me
It is I who looks to you
For help
For a shoulder to cry on
Despite the distance
Your a great friend
But more then that
You are like my sister
I love you more then the world
And hope I can be there for you
As you have been here for me
I will always be here to listen
To try and understand
What your going through
Your beautiful in everyway
I hope our friendship remains the same
My life is in a fast lane
Time will take to understand
How you've touched me
Just because your thriteen
My life has taken
A turn around
But all I do is think
How lucky I have found
Someone as sweet
And kind like you
Sometimes I feel
My life is a fairy tale
Then I look on the bright side
And smile knowing
I have the proof
That I have been
Changed for good
I love you like a sister
More then a friend
And more then life it's self
One day we will meet
And we will be
More then myspace
And aim friends
We will be like sisters
Despite the distance
Jessie I thank you
For all you have done
Hold on to your dreams and goals
Of life for me
And I will hold on
To mine for you
My birthday... I woke up around 8am and then again around 9am because I can and yes, I did.. I went downstairs asking for funny faced pancakes at IHOP but I didn't get them:( Sadly.. I love those things and it would have been super yummy especially on my birthday.. So instead I had nothing.. Anyways my mum called in for my hair appointment and then Cory decided to tell me "There is no need to get to the rodeo before 3pm.." My hair appointment was at 1 but I called and made sure I could get there earlier. Though I had to be there in 15 minutes or wait around until 1pm... The new lady whose the secertary is seriously on crack.. Why you may ask? Because she always seems to be OFF.. Anywho.. I jump in the car blasting RENT at full volume and made it to the Heights within 15minutes.. I got my hair cut, and then went home.. I got on the computer to check facebook and people had already been telling me happy birthday like 3 days before my birthday so I thought it was sweet.And then I checked myspace but didn't look at comments because I was too afraid to do so.. Well during that time my mum got dressed (She's a teacher so this week is her Spring Break) and I made myself a sandwich..
Then we went shopping and I got 3 new pairs of pants, a new shirt, and two new pairs of shoes.. Etenies and Nikes.. One cool thing that I absolutely love is how she picked out the Etenies but didn't know it was sooo rainbow pride!! So I got them because they were cute, comfortable and she was buying. She did afterall pick them out!! I also go poka dot socks! I love them and they rock.. All sorts of colors and so cute... AHHH I am a sock whore.. Anyways after that I came home and my mum gave me 50 dollars for the Rodeo. I got home, my brother wished me a happy birthday as well as my grandmother did.. My aunts and uncle COMPLETELY forgot and didn't even call to say happy birthday so I am pretty much not talking to them!! Cory came over and we left.. We got to the rodeo, I was dressed cute. Well I felt cute. I had Army green like cargo pants, I had a pink shirt with 'fake white under shirt', I had my Etenies on, and I had make up on, my hair was in a little pony tail with the rest curled out from underneath me. Well apparently even dressing to impress him doesn't work anymore these days. So we get to the rodeo, park very close to the stadium because he's working there and then we go over get some dinner..
I had a horrible purge with drinks so it was hell.. I had 2 ribbies, some fries, a diet coke, and like 3 bottles of water during the whole night. I had a snow cone inside the stadium which is bascially frozen water, and watermelon juice it was yummy and that is all I had the whole time at the rodeo.. Well I wanted a margarita but I wasn't going to pay 11 fucking dollars for one.. So anyways the rodeo was nice we didn't have real tickets but we had ways to get in and once we did we ended up with some fucking awesome tickets that were 1/3 the way down to THE GROUND!!! And I saw Toby Keith he played all of my faforite songs except for one I iddn't know and it was fun. It was raining hard on the way home and I didn't want to go home because afterall my birthday wasn't over!!! I went to House of Pies.. It was yummmmmmmmm... I had Heovos Rancheros yummmmm and then I had two bites of a French Silk Chocolate Pie.. It was wonderful.. I took the rest home with me, went home and went straight to sleep because one, my internet was out, and two I was sleepy plus three I had watched a little bit of tv but I was too angry with people to even want to do anything or repair my internet connection not that it was hard to do I just didn't want to do it.
How the hell did I get here? How the hell Christmas Eve last year..
Sigh, nothing can go right, I have realized that I am not who I was meant to be and that everyone in my family/friends who are family ARE ALL FUCKING HOMOPHOBIC.. I can not deal with this. I thought maybe I wouldn't be affected by my ex's issues and actions but then I realized I am more Mark then anything in the world. I have this film reel that plays backwards and forwards in the back of my mind and I can't seem to forget what happens. Sure, I know what I want in life and I know how about getting there but all I see is negative feedback from anyone in this world. My friends are important to me but those who are there know SOME of what happens. Sure I have friends who I have met recently who have helped me with some things, but you know.. It's like THEY are the only ones who knows what is going on.. Here I am watching My Sweet Sixteen.. And these assholes are spoiled rotten.. I have never been spoiled, I have never been mean and I want to be mean.. I don't know what is wrong with me I feel like I am looking at life on the outside stuck inside.. I am emotional for reasons un-known.. On the 22nd it will be an year of being out, but my family doesn't support that. I just don't know what is wrong.. Ugh, when will I be able to get away do what I want?
I am in a fucking Mark mood and I can't get out of it.. Ontop of that my Roger side is coming out too.. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.. SOMEONE KILL ME.. [Not litterally! I am not that morbid!]
Until my rant and rave can stop here is some of my art work I wanted it to be from the OBC but that didn't exactly work out... It was from a doll maker that I found, so I had fun making this.
<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f
<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f
<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f
<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f
<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f
<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f
Why do we play with fire?
Why do we run our finger through the flame?
Why do we leave our hand on the stove-
Although we know we're in for some pain?
Oh, why do we refuse to hang a light
When the streets are dangerous?
Why does it take an accident
Before the truth gets through to us?
Have you ever realized JONATHAN LARSON'S WORDS MAKE SENSE? I have realized that I was in the Mark/Maureen/Joanne relationship and I do believe I was being cheated on. Oh well we all know that actions speak louder then words.. And no matter what in the end YOU WILL SUFFER NOT I! I have realized my relationship was an accident and the truth got to me.. Then again this doesn't bother me because I am better and STRONGER THEN YOU WILL EVER BE.. Though you think by making me realize it was all a joke that I WOULD FALL like the Berlin Wall two words.. BULL SHIT.
And I close on the rest of this song that is my theme song in life right now..
Louder Than Words -
Why do we play with fire?
Why do we run our finger through the flame?
Why do we leave our hand on the stove-
Although we know we're in for some pain?
Oh, why do we refuse to hang a light
When the streets are dangerous?
Why does it take an accident
Before the truth gets through to us?
Cages or wings?
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds.
Fear or love, baby?
Don't say the answer
Actions speak louder than words.
Why should we try to be our best
When we can just get by and still gain?
Why do we nod our heads
Although we know
The boss is wrong as rain?
Why should we blaze a trail
When the well worn path seems safe and
Jonathan and Susan:
So inviting?
How-as we travel, can we
See the dismay-
And keep from fighting?
Cages or wings?
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds
Cages or wings?
Ah...
Fear or love, baby?
Don't say the answer
Actions speak louder than words
Louder than, louder than
What does it take
To wake up a generation?
How can you make someone
Take off and fly?
If we don't wake up
And shake up the nation
We'll eat the dust of the world
Wondering why
Why
Why do we stay with lovers
Who we know, down deep
Just aren't right?
Why would we rather
Put ourselves through hell
Than sleep alone at night?
Why do we follow leaders who never lead?
Why does it take catastrophe to start a revolution?
If we're so free, tell me why?
Someone tell me why
So many people bleed?
Cages or wings?
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds.
Cages or wings?
Ah...
Fear or love, baby?
Don't say the answer.
Actions speak louder than
Louder than, louder than
Louder than, louder than
Cages or wings?
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds
Ah...
Fear or love baby?
Don't say the answer
Actions speak louder than
Louder than, louder than, ooh
They speak louder
Actions speak louder than...
Louder than, louder than, aah
May 4th - 6th cost is 325 before the 9th of March, after it's 400 dollars if you would like to know more information go to playbill.com. I am sooo trying to get enough money to go but the sucky part is I have to pay for it all myself.. I am calling to see if they have a scholarship toward the Conference because then I will be able to pay for some of it. All I have to pay for is:
Transportation
Food
Hotel
Shopping
Sight seeing
And anything else that I want to do while I am in New York for the 5 days I will be there becaue if everything goes according to plan I will be there from the 3rd until the 7th but I am hoping the 8th and come home on my mum's birthday.
Here's the schedule for the 3 day conference...
OPENING REMARKS
Victoria Bailey - Executive Director, Theatre Development Fund
Charlotte St. Martin - Executive Director, The League of American Theaters and
Producers
WHY PRODUCE?
Rocco Landesman - President, Jujamcyn Theaters
PRODUCTION BUDGET ANALYSIS
Abbie Strassler - General Manager,
10:00 am -
MANAGING RISK
Roy Furman - Jefferies and Company
LUNCH
On your own
LEGAL ASPECTS OF PRODUCTION
Jon Lonner - Entertainment Attorney, Franklin, Weinrib, Rudell & Vassallo, PC.
Dan Wasser - Entertainment Attorney, Franklin, Weinrib, Rudell & Vassallo, PC.
CREATIVE DEVELOPMENT & EXPLOITATION OF MATERIAL
Ted Chapin - President, Rodgers & Hammerstein Organization
Wine & Cheese Reception
THE PLAY’S THE THING: PRODUCING CHALLENGES
Roy Gabay - General Manager, Producer, Roy Gabay Theatrical Management
Roger Alan Gindi - General Manager, Producer, Gindi Theatrical Management
Ben Sprecher - Producer, The Sprecher Organization
Stuart Thompson - General Manager, Producer, Stuart Thompson Productions
Fifth speaker TBA
TAKING THE PLUNGE: THE FIRST PRODUCTION
Patrick Catullo - Producer, The 25th
Marc Falato - Producer, Spring Awakening, Glengarry Glen Ross (2005 revival)
Jill Furman - Producer, The Drowsy Chaperone
Fran Kirmser - Producer, Radio Golf
WORKING WITH NOT FOR PROFITS
Marty
Todd Haimes - Artistic Director, Roundabout Theater Company
Harriet Newman Leve - Producer, Leve Productions
Neil Pepe - Artistic Director, Atlantic Theater Company
LUNCH
On your own
WHAT MAKES A GREAT PRODUCER: THE AGENT’S PERSPECTIVE
John Buzzetti - Partner, The Gersh Agency
David Kalodner - Agent,
Mark Sendroff - Founder, Sendroff & Baruch
Fourth speaker - TBA
MANAGING THE MARKETING MIX
Betsy Dollinger Bernstein - BDB Marketing
Bob Bucci - National Artists Management Company (NAMCO)
Scott Moore - Marketing, The Producing Office
Eric Schnall - Marketing Director
PRODUCING FOR THE ROAD
Mike Isaacson - Producer, Fox Associates, LLC
Al Nocciolino - Producer, NAC Enterprises, Ltd.
Alecia Parker - Producer, National Artists Management Company (NAMCO)
WINE & CHEESE RECEPTION
BUILDING YOUR SHOW’S BRAND
Jed Bernstein - President, Above the Title Entertainment
PROMOTING YOUR SHOW
John Barlow - Founding Partner, Barlow-Hartman Public Relations
Richard Kornberg - Founder and President, Richard Kornberg & Associates
Third speaker TBA
11:00 am -
CREATIVE PRODUCING PART I
Kevin McCollum - Producer, The Drowsy Chaperone, Avenue Q, Rent
CREATIVE PRODUCING PART II
David Stone - Producer, Wicked, The 25th
CLOSING REMARKS
Jed Bernstein - President, Above the Title Entertainment
----------------------------------- CURRENT LOCATION ----------------------------------
So here I sit on my bed at
----------------------- IN THE PAST AND A LITTLE OF THE FUTURE ------------------------
My brother is engaged, I am happy for him and his fiance who I love although I didn't like something she did a month ago it was quite scary and my brother called of the engagement. They are back together and everything is smooth sailing. I am the flower girl.. No not the actual flower girl in the wedding, I am the girl who is making every single flower arrangement for the guest table, the bride and groom table, the sign in table, church, everywhere you can name that flowers need to go including the bouquets' butteniers [sp] and all of that jazz I Amanda am doing it all.. The only problem is she hates the color pink, and the bridesmaid dresses are charcoal grey. Well this pretty flower REALLY goes perfect but it's pink and she won't have at that idea..
My best friend has been going through a lot in life, right now it's more to talk about but the moral is that her life is closed off into a bottle but everything will be ok within months. Her brother was in
---------------------------------THE MONTH OF DECEMEBER -------------------------------
Christmas was wonderful, all of my family was here, and my sister in law's parents and her grandma came over on Christmas it was awesome and we all had a great day with everyone there. It was ham, potatoes, some veggie, pies you name it after all I can't remember what happened that was 2 months ago. New Years.. It came and went and my family from North,
---------------------------------FAST FORWARD TWO MONTHS-------------------------------
Have you ever lost all concept in what life is supposed to be? Why is it that nothing seems to go right, or why is it that it doesn't work out the way you want it to be? How can one person give their feelings for another tell them they love them, they miss them and want them back someday, some time and then go do something completely different then they said they would in the first place?
I have managed to lose allof my friends because of something that has happened. I don't exactly know what went wrong between my ex girlfriend and I still care for her but all of the sudden I realized that she was only talking to me when she was bored. I had asked her a question once when she sent me a message online. But she acted as if I was questioning her with everything but I just wanted to know why she waited a few moments before signing off.
I have also been going through hell. I had finally had the self-confidence that I could post up bisexual on my myspace but my 24 year old brother had the fucking nerves to show my mum my myspace and she made me take of the label 'bisexual' because she says that i don't 'know' what it means, and what all you do.. That my 'theatre freako friends' are corrupting me, and she wants to 'save' me. I am sorry, to say that no one has corrupted me to become this way it's just something that I have known all along ever since I was a kid that I wasn't straight.. Why else would all of my friends be girls and we would play doctor, or something like that? And dress up?
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Right now in life, I think it's pointless in falling in love, because the one you fall in love is A: going to stab you in the heart. OR B: Stab you in the back once you think everything is flowing so smoothly between the two of you everything really isn't and one or the other persons of the ex relationship acts childish. She made me feel like I was a bitch, low class, unworthy to have anyone to talk to, love, or have friends. I found out the only reason why she would call me is because she was bored.
I don't know what is so wrong with being apart of the GLBTQ community when I am most happy the way I am and more happier then I pretty much have been in my life for the longest time. There is this website called voicesforrent.com and it's about the musical called RENT written by Jonathan Larson. He's this wonderful musical artist who died sadly at an early age of 36.
--------------------------------QUESTION AND ANSWER----------------------------------
One of the questions in which this person whose a member on the site posted was 'Do you believe in same-sex marriage why? or why not?'
My answer was this:
Love is love, it's not about race, gender, or sexuality. If you love someone for who they are, what they have done, and how they have changed you then that is all that matters and because of these stupid laws same-sex marriage isn't allowed in certain parts of the usa ESPCIALLY down in the south. Here in
JUST because your in the GLBT community doesn't mean that you don't love someone differently.
JUST because your sexuality is for the same sex in which you are and you are in love with that person doesn't mean that you shouldn't have the same rights as the straight community.
It would be like me asking you.. Do you eat your ice cream with a fork? It's different, and most people don't go for it so it shouldn't be allowed.. [Although, I do.. Ok, so maybe that wasn't the best way to look at something.. But I tried.]
JUST because I am bisexual doesn't mean that I can't marry a man or a woman dispite those who are against the outcome of what it will most likely be. Sure it's different but love is love it's not right for me to tell someone that they can't marry a man because they are gay or they can't marry a woman because they are lesbian. Same sex marriage should be a freedom. A freedom to marry the one you love and still have it be called a marriage.
This is a constant battle that will over-come.. Whatever happened to Martin Luther King's message 'I have a Dream?' Though it is mainly talking about the civil rights movement this line always gets to me even though this topic is dealing with sexuality a few lines of his speech to me works in every way.
'We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline.'
'And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone. And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?"'
'Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today my friends - so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.'
'I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."'
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So now I stand at this point. Love is not for me, all I am doing is trusting my friends who are always there for me, God, and everyone else. I am continuing to go on with my life because of some things that happened no one is going to stand in the way of my dreams, hopes, and goals of succession. A friend of mine who I was talking to this morning really cheered me up and I love her like a little sister.. Love will conquer all, and one of these days it will find me, instead of me trying to go search for it. And I will overcome what I am going through right now because I am strong!
Title: Tango: Maureen.... All over again...
Author: brdwaystarbound
Feedback: please
Pairing: Maureen/OC
Characters: Maureen/OC Mark, Joanne
Word Count: 1,124
Rating: PG
Genre: Drama
Summary: Maureen is caught cheating on her lover(s) once again by a stranger named Alex.
Notes: This is my first set of work, so please be kind.
Special thanks: No one really
Warnings: None that I know of
Disclaimer: I do not own RENT.. All thanks to Jonathan Larson except for Alex whose my oc
“There she goes walking down the street I say a do I ditty ditty dum ditty do..” Maureen walked down the street slowly trying to think of how things could have gotten so messed up this time she continued to walk down the street while popping the rubber band which she took out of her hair.
Maureen’s natural curly brunette hair fell down and cascaded over her shoulders. It gave off that special glow which she tend to carry the glow of a guilty conscience. The rubber band was on her wrist because she needed somewhere to put it.
It seemed like it was yesterday.. Well that is because it was.. This incident happened all so fast. Maureen was caught once again cheating on both of her lovers Joanne Jefferson and Mark Cohen. She loved them both so very much. But it wasn’t her fault that her friend Alex wanted to get together for dinner after the incident of soda being spilt on his shirt.
Ok maybe it was. All Maureen could think of was how she screwed over another trust bond in which she had promised to both Joanne and Mark. This time it was the Tango: Maureen for three people. Maureen was known as the flirt of
That day night had fallen and Joanne and Mark had just gotten back from a friendly conversation at the Life Café and were worried to know why Maureen hadn’t shown up. She never turned down an offer at the Life for drinks and a meal with friends who would be there for her no matter what.
Maureen was dressed in a white tank top and black drawstring Capri pants. Her hair was put up into two ponytail braids, which went on the both sides of her head. She was in her loft with her new friend she met the day before named Alex he ended up spending the night.
Alex came running into Maureen when he was late for work yesterday and he ended up spilling his coke all over the front of his shirt as some of it splashed onto Maureen’s. “Oh sorry.. I wasn’t looking where I was going.. Great fuck!” Maureen slapped herself in the head noticing the mess she had made on this guy’s shirt.
His radiant smile caught her attention.. “No problem, I got some on you are you ok?” He stood there looking at her natural beauty feeling him rise up in heat. “Yes, I am fine I’m really sorry about your shirt, you can come back to my loft if you want to and I can wash it for you” The words played back in Maureen’s mind so clearly.
Maureen heard the voices of people she knew as she was in the middle of having sex with Alex. "Oh my GOD!" She moaned as she was receiving pleasure from someone other then Mark or Joanne. The door opened and Maureen freaked out. She quickly climbed off of Alex and got dressed. He grabbed his clothes too.
She walked out of her bedroom dripping in sweat and claimed it was from the shower she had just taken. Mark looked at Joanne and Joanne looked back at Mark as Alex was walking out of Maureen's room putting his shirt back on. "MAUREEN!" Joanne yelled at her. "How could you do this again to us! What ever happened to the simple words of commitment?"
Maureen lowered her head in shame, she had been caught once again, but this time she was nearly walked in on. She couldn't go on she looked up at Mark and Joanne tears were running down her face. Joanne had the tears of hurt; Mark had the innocent "I can't believe you." look on his face. She started to play with the bottom of her shirt not knowing what else to do.
And then she began. Maureen looked up to face Joanne and Mark. Alex was on the side not knowing what to do. Many thoughts ran through his head. Should he leave? Hold her? Talk to her? He didn't know so he just stood there.
Maureen tried to speak but very little words came out. "When I first saw you.. I said oh my.. Oh my.. that’s my dream.." Maureen couldn't handle it.
She took her bag and ran out of her loft and down the stairs the thought of her knowing she hurt two people she loved, and one person she just met killed her. She didn't know where she was going to stay. Maureen was lost for words. The chilly night began to fall and all Maureen could think of is "WWAD" Which stands for "What Would Angel Do." She had to get away.
Maureen went to the park to think not knowing what she was going to do now on knowing she lost the trust of everyone around her. She continued to run until she fell on the ground bursting into tears. Maureen curled up tightly thinking to herself and out loud. "Angel I screwed up again I need you just.. Please baby send me a sign I don't care what it is just send something." She sobbed her eyes out while looking up into the sky talking to Angel.
Just then as she finished what she had said someone who sounded familiar called her name. "Maureen?" It was Collins he was on the way home from NYU and went through the park to remember the fun times he and Angel had. She looked up over at him clearing the tears away. He approached her putting his hand out for her to take as she stood up Maureen collapsed into Collins arms.
"Baby I.. I screwed up again.. I don't know what is wrong with me they will never talk to me again!" She cried on his shoulder as Collins calmed her down slightly.. "Shhh start from the beginning and I will try to help you."
Maureen shifted and nodded.. "I just..." She continued to cry. Collins didn't know what to do. "Here Maureen come home with me for the night and we can talk like old times and you can tell me everything that is going on." Maureen nodded as Collins stood up and led her home for the evening.
He sat down on his couch and patted the seat next to him for Maureen to sit. She did so and began to speak about everything that was going on. Off and on Maureen got sleepy and yawned. Her tears now stained down her tank top. She laid on Collins as he tried to soothingly comfort her and like that she was out for the night.
March 12th -
This person who I used to take care of her son in his dayschool called me and asked me if it was ok for her to give my number to a friend of hers. So of course I said sure because that's just another client and more money for me to make which is always good and the money is to go toward my conference fee of 400 dollars not including the transportation, hotel and airfare, food, or even the musicals which I was planning on seeing though the majority of them are RENT and the shopping that I was going to do while in New York.. So this lady calls me and asks me some questions but the first one she asked me was how much I charge.. Now normally people just give me money and it's a large sum, I am happy with it and I don't question it.. Well once I told her 7 dollars she said.. "I am gone for 10 hours a day that's 70 dollars a day I can't do that let me call you back.." I was like.. uuuuu ok? So she called Mrs. Moore the lady who gave her my phone number and then she calls me back saying. "Mrs. Moore said the gymnasitcs can take my son for a week at 140 a week I think I will do that instead." Well knowing me since I am in between college, and saving for my future, a new cell phone, my car, gas for my car, my car note, car insurance, and a cd here and there I need the money and a steady job right? Well... I told her that anywhere from 5 - 7 dollars is fine with me.. Again the bitch had something to complain about.. "If that's 10 hours a day at round about 5 dollars I still can't do it because it's 50 dollars and not only that but I can't do 35 dollars as a payment for 10 hours.."
Well, I got fed up at this time.. And she was like.. "Hold on let me call Mrs. Moore again and talk to her.." First off if she's having to refer to her friend too much then that doesn't mean she can trust me with her child when I am a child magnet, and they love me.. She then calls back and asks.. "Ok, can you be there at 7:30 tomorrow morning?" Now in the first place she said she would be needing me A FEW TIMES this week.. I simply said. "I am sorry, but I can't do it tomorrow because it's my birthday.." Not to mention I already had plans for my birthday and she snoted off a rude.. "Well fine then! Goodbye!" And hung up on me.. I was like? WTF MATE!! WTF!! No one blows me off on babysitting jobs because obviously they are so oblivious to know how well I work with kids and children are always wanting me back... I had one job already where I got cheated out of my work for 12 hours a day and only got paid about 20 - 40 dollars. I WASN'T going to deal with that AGAIN!! So I brushed it off, unplugged all phones figuring I would get yelling messages and called it a night.. I was listening to Christmas music when my mum came in my room to wish me a happy birthday at midnight.. It was sweet an I thought it was cute..
